I Felt Lost, But I Found Myself
Updated: Apr 16, 2020
I normally don't talk about my personal collection on this blog, but I had nothing else to talk about... so I decided to get something off my chest that I've been meaning to get off for months now.
Today, when I was in the car, my dad told me something: "You don't play with your dolls anymore."
"Well, not as much as you used to."
It then hit me: in 2019, I've been slowly falling out of love with my dolls.
Sure, I've still been blogging about news and getting some new things. But once I got Miles, the last doll I needed to complete my AG collection, I totally felt like one of my dream goals with AG was fulfilled. I now owned every AG doll. Now what?
The other thing I love with AG is making stop-motion videos... but lately, I haven't been making many. Mostly because writing my TV series has been taking up a lot of my time- but also because I've been doing more than just doll videos, and branching out in my film career. I wrote my first feature script this year and am planning out yet another rewrite, I'm still working on the series, I made a webseries and filmed a short with real actors last week. Sure, I'm branching out, but there's 2 things I noticed that affected my creativity more.
First, is the plain fact that everyone else on AGTube that I loved and idolized grew up, and mostly stopped making videos save for a few now and then- rockstar13studios is in college, Basilmentos is out of college and has a real job now, and everyone else left a long time ago.
But the second reason is more of a general reason why I've been losing interest a little bit: I'm growing up, and I'm finding the typical AG stories a tad boring.
When you're a teenager about to go into high school, who's suffered trauma and pain and losing friends, it's hard to read about a girl who's biggest problem is planning her farm employee's wedding or make a video about giggly girls with no problems going to the mall. But at the same time, I don't want to bombard my younger audience with the tougher stuff that I struggle with every day.
I've struggled with finding the right inspiration... and right now, I feel lost. I don't want to close the door on my AG days just yet, because they still bring me joy, but I just really don't know what to do.
I really don't.
I talked it over with my mom and sister, and I finally found what I'd been looking for. My mom told me that it was a good thing that my creative spirit was growing up, because I wouldn't improve as an artist if I stuck myself into a box forever and limited my mind. At first, I worried my audience wouldn't like this. But my sister made it all make sense. She really likes this one singer, Jon Bellion, who you might know from the song 'All Time Low' from a few years back. But during one of his interviews, she told me that he said "it didn't matter that Suzie from Alabama probably wouldn't listen to a six minute mixtape featuring Christopher Sabat (an awesome voice actor who I actually met on Sunday), what mattered was that if she tried, it would open Suzie's mind to something else."
After that, it finally hit me. I'd start now- I wouldn't wait to grow up to make my movie script that I've been working on for a while now a real movie.
I'd make it in the near future, with American Girl dolls.
So, who's ready for a feature-length PG-13 American Girl doll stopmotion movie unlike anything you've seen on AGTube before?